speak.

first an apology for the lack of writing on this blog. i can not spend much time writing about my business or rationalizing the inconsistency of blogpost because there is no going back, only forward motion. i have been incredibly busy with my wife, school, work, life, the orchard, friends and a number of other great things that tend to consume my time and make the act of writing a very low priority. (not agreeing that it should be). God plays a consistent role in my life and infiltrates the substance of each and everyone of these priorities. sometimes it is hard though, even as a pastor, knowing about God and knowing God.

i am actually writing this post solely for the reason that i may recall this very moment at a later time. first an account of what happened in this life changing moment (being the last hour) and then my thoughts of the period leading up to it.

first of all let me start by talking about how this week is one of the busiest weeks i will have this semester at seminary. midterms and papers. 30 hour famine church event. guest coming into town next weekend. all this to say i am very busy which increases the value of me spending my time on even transcribing these words. because of the expansive list of to-do boxes i decided to trek to starbucks tonight. i have not done this at all this semester but have so much reading and studying that needs to get done and living in a house with 6 other people can only be so conducive. anyways. i went to starbucks. not the closest one either. i went to the one that was open the latest and clearly far away when you pass 3 others on your way there.

i arrived roughly around 9:30 where i entered the what would be described to me by Joey as the “busiest Starbucks in Colorado.” every table was full with mostly yuppy teenagers who can blow five bucks on a strawberry smoothie with extra whip cream. upon entering starbucks i see Joey who is an assistant manager and a friend that i have met over a number of visits to feed my desire for late night caffeine. Joey was very pleasant this evening. we catch up and talk about church and work. now Joey and i are mere acquaintances, both believers, and he distinctly encourages me to stand strong in my faith and to keep learning at school. now i do not know if Joey knows others who attempt the rigours of seminary or ministry, but that encouragement during the week of midterms was greatly needed.

i order my ice grande caramel machiato accompanied by the amazing water that is apparently triple sand filtered that sometimes taste better than the coffee itself. still no tables open up as i wait for my drink. wait, the old man just got up that was ackwardly positioned in the middle of the starbucks floor. as he arose the lone table and chair radiated a promise of productivity inspired from the hard uncomfortability of the staple stabucks wood chair. i place my bag down and grab the drinks that will cary me through the evening.

here i am. at my lone table with my single chair and my book. on the agenda was reading a few pages in Sacred Companions (which by the way is fantastic so far) and begin studying through the old testament for my midterm this week. twenty pages into the book flowing. the words are rooting themselves in my heart as i am beginning to understand the importance and value of spiritual friendship. then it happens.

before it happens let me paint you the exact picture of what it looks like to take away from any visual hints or ques that you may naturally assume exists.

myself. blue nike shirt, jeans, vans slip ons. middle of the busiest starbucks in colorado. single table. one chair occupied by myself. on the table: iced grande caramel machiato, grande water, cell phone, Sacred Companions (opened). Backpack on the ground closed with nothing showing. i am branding no religious symbols at all, on my book, bag, or person. in fact the only symbol i am branding implies “just do it.”

then it happens. i was in the middle of the sentence when i noticed someone approaching and did not look up because i needed to finish the complete thought and understood the persons willingness to approach me to be someone that i knew, therefore they could wait a second to be greeted by me. that was not the case though. as i look up two girls, that i have not noticed since i have been intensely reading. walk over and put a napkin on my table. they are proceeding to walk away smiling as i look at them in sort of that what just happened kind of face. they must have thought i was someone else or something, or maybe i had some caramel stuck on the side of my lip and needed this napkin to improve my appearance, but then why would they write “guy in blue” on the napkin? ha. this is what i get for hanging out at the local highschool hang out. millions of possible idiotic reasons that these young high school girls write on some part of the napkin. my book was so good that i was drawn and lured immediately back into my book. within a few minutes though i finished the chapter and am drawn back to the napkin for a laugh. honestly i opened the napkin expecting to be made fun of for some reason by these adolescent teens but the words that were written were incredible.

the note: “Hello stranger, I noticed you when i walked in…and felt like I needed to say something. I’m just feelin like God is saying that He loves you and He’s taking care of everything. I don’t even know your name or beliefs but knew I had to say it! N”

i was incredibly confused as i was processing this anonymous note. i tried jumping back into my book but i couldn’t. i could not stop thinking about this note. this love note. not love from this high school girl to me, but a love note from God. i do not believe there was any possible way for this girl to know, based on the circumstances and my appearance, that i was a Christian or even believed in a God. she knew. God knew. i was overwhelmed with an incredible sensation of feeling God’s presence. at this moment i felt that the incredible, amazing, divine, holy, and magnificent God saw me. josh. he spoke to me. this note. me. speak. it could not have been more clear. he used this girl to write this note to me. God loves me. He is taking care of everything. Knowing God and feeling his presence is nothing that i have not felt. Connecting with God through prayer, his Word, worship, meditation, fellowship is nothing that i have not felt, but this was different. God spoke and I heard it and felt it. God is always with us and we have the Spirit that dwells within us and i knew it. in the middle of this starbucks i sat for in awe, illuminated, found.

(the last few weeks)

finding a peaceful restful place in my spiritual life is one of my learning contracts that i am working on this semester. wanting to rest and understand the amazing first love that i desire to serve. wanting to renew my devotion to him beyond textbook spirituality. listening or learning to listen has also played a critical role in this over the last few weeks. with possible transitions and decisions ahead i have been desiring to hear God. leading house devotions two weeks ago this was the topic that i discussed. how do we listen for God.

he spoke.

i do not know if i will ever hear him in such a direct way every again. but tonight i heard him. loud and clear. in this incredible illuminating moment at my table all alone.

he spoke.

crisp air and colored leaves.

being from california, the only way you know you have moved from summer into fall is being overwhelmed by a number of syllabi and the bombardment of homework. the classical eleven months of 90 degree weather and an abundance of sunshine leaves little room for the so called seasons, let alone changing multi colored leaves. the seasons are incredible in there uniqueness and completely reflective of God’s beauty. the crisp air reminds you of its distinct presence being so clean, pure, and brisk. the different colors of yellow, orange, and red are so vibrant against the green background of the grass and the pine. God’s beauty truly can show through his creation. how beautiful and perfect it is. this was such a restful time of relaxation with hannah and the family and little miss ava.

so close to home.

i read this article by brett mcckracken and so much of it hit home. and by hitting home i mean i can relate to it in many ways. first of all biola is where i received my undergraduate degree in christian education as well as my minor in biblical studies. not only did i study there but i lived there and i loved there. i bleed biola. about half way through my biola carreer a graduate program began called institute for spiritual formation. talbot was one of the first seminaries to begin offering graduate level work on spiritual formation. this became very much of interest to me towards the end of my degree. spiritual disciplines and spiritual formation was something that i sought to understand within the context of ministring to high school students (predominantly students who have grown up in the church and are subscribed to the prescription of christianity with out real relationship). spiritual formation offered more. it offered a type of transformation through developing personal relationship with God through engaging him. biola was leading the arena of higher education of training in this area and my experience there lead me to denver seminary to get a masters in christian formation and soul care. talbot and denver seminary have worked closely at developing similar programs.

that is how this article hits me at both levels. i love biola. thought the president and chaplain has changed since i have been there; i have great faith in the institution, the boards, the faculty, and the students. christian formation is a new movement among Jesus followers to develop a deeper, meeningful, contemplative relationship with our Savior. i resonate with brett’s article and can not believe the self destructive tendencies that christians (the student writing this article) and christian organizations (lighthouse trails and apprising ministries) do to damage an amazing organization and spiritual formation. probably a homeschooler and a homeschool organization.

Spiritual Formation Under Attack at Biola

October 27, 2008, 11:30 am » Brett McCracken

Last week, a long-running smear campaign against “spiritual formation” at Biola University kicked it up a notch. An organization called Lighthouse Trails teamed up with Apprising Ministries to unleash a torrent of criticism and insults about Biola, claiming that Biola is drifting from its strong biblical roots and embracing “apostate Roman Catholic mystical spiritual formation”…

I haven’t the energy to summarize the smears, but if you want to follow it thus far, read the following posts:

Biola University Now Drifting from Evangelical Protestant Roots? (Oct 20)

Biola University Student Reports on Contemplative Chapel Services – Warns Parents to Avoid Biola (Oct 20)

Biola University Contacts Lighthouse Trails – Accuses of Libel (Oct 21)

You’ll be shocked when you find out just what it is that these people are up in arms about… Contemplative prayer! That’s right, they are worried about Biola possibly being apostate because in chapel we dare to introduce students to ancient methods of contemplative, meditative prayer. We dare to engage the students in Lectio Divina, an ancient method inherited from the Desert Fathers of deeply reading and meditating upon a scripture. It’s not new-agey or mystical; it’s simple, quiet, and meaningful. The bible takes center stage. What is wrong with that?

Evidently these critics of Biola are worried that by having an entire chapel service of silent meditation, there is somehow a movement of apostasy being birthed in the students’ minds. It’s wrong, they suggest, to have a scripture read without a pastor or speaker there to unpack it and give it some context.

Todd Pickett, Associate Dean of Spiritual Development at Biola, has a different opinion. He believes that students today are “over-messaged” and need more time to just contemplate what they’ve already been hearing, learning, experiencing in Christ.

“I hear from students that they need more time for processing and reflection,” he told The Chimes, Biola’s student newspaper. “They feel overwhelmed sometimes by the amount of information that comes at them. That makes sense to me, [and] at the very least, we need to allow a little time and a little room to listen to what God is doing. [We need to] take some of the things we hear and talk to God about them. I am trying to build that into the rhythm of chapel.”

As someone who was a busy college student myself not too long ago, I resonate with every word of what Pickett is saying. Time for reflection is the number one need of students today.

Apparently the folks at Lighthouse Trails and Apprising Ministries don’t agree, however. To them, Pickett, along with people like Richard Foster (who they label “neo-Gnostic”), Henri Nouwen, and Dallas Willard (who, for the record, gave a very philosophical and helpful lecture at Biola’s Torrey Conference last Wednesday), represent an unbiblical mysticism that masquerades as “spiritual formation.”

It baffles me that “spiritual formation,” which to me looks like a positive, healthy thing from every angle, is being so aggressively criticized. Even more baffled that Biola is being singled out and smeared for their commitment to it. But then again, Christians tend to be the most critical of all people, unfortunately. So I guess it shouldn’t surprise me.

intentional community.

i hardly ever can refuse being around people. there is something about community and conversation that is so appealing to my soul. to be in relationship, close relationship, with others and living out Jesus together. this has what brought me to this place.

a place of intentional community. i first heard of communal living through Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborn and then heard it first hand at a conference that he spoke at. Then little by little the idea of communal living began to pop up in Jesus following communities all throughout the u.s. in newspapers and magazines.

the idea of living with other people (singles, couples, children) brings much anticipation of experiences and memories. the goal is to bring people together in one place (the home) for one purpose (to serve Jesus) in an intentional community designed to love God and encourage, support, forgive, serve others in the house and in the community.

house meetings, family dinners, game night, prayer and worship services, and every day life would bring people together who wanted to live minimally (giving up unnecessary possessions and combining possessions) and live missionaly (showing Jesus to those in the community we live, work, and play in). this is the heart of my wife and i and our best friend kate.

we have a passion to do this. i hope the idea will come to fruition and become a reality. here are rules to which the simple way (Shane Claiborne’s community) goes by. if you think you can follow these you can go through an extensive application process (this does not exist yet so it may be a minimal process).

Our Commitments

Scripture

We recognize the Bible, composed of the Hebrew Scriptures and New Testament, as inspired of God, the supreme and final authority in faith and life. We submit ourselves to carrying out our mission under this authority and seek to apply biblical principles to all facets of human aspiration and action.

The Church

We affirm that the Church is a unit with many parts, forming one body (1 Cor. 12:12). The Church is the body of the followers of Jesus, inclusive of persons of all cultures, races and nationalities. We value and unite with local congregations in establishing the Kingdom of God and carrying out the work of Jesus.

The Trinity

We echo the Nicene Creed in our belief in one God, the Father almighty, maker of all things visible and invisible; and in one Lord Jesus Christ, both perfectly divine and perfectly human, the Son of God, begotten from the Father, God from God, of one substance with the Father, through whom all things came into being, in Heaven and on earth, and who because of our sins became human, suffered, died, rose, ascended, and will come again to judge the living and dead; and in the Holy Spirit, the Lord the giver of life, one with the Father and the Son, and to be worshipped and glorified.

Humanity

We believe that people are created in the image of God. We believe people are created to love and to be loved. We also believe that humanity is fallen, and Jesus died and rose in order to save humanity. Humans are incapable of holiness and perfect love without the sacrifice of Jesus.

Evangelism

We affirm the importance of calling all persons to personal faith and faithful discipleship in following Jesus Christ. We recognize that this is done both with words and without them.

Justice

We acknowledge with sorrow the brokenness of the world at personal, national, and international levels, and we seek justice, reconciliation and transformation in all arenas of life. In these politically, economically, socially, and religiously decaying times, justice is needed to bring hope, wisdom, and grace. We also realize that the evils of poverty and oppression exist on two levels, the individual and the structural, and we work for justice in both facets.

Need

We believe that there is enough. Those with plenty can meet the needs of the poor, if s/he who can gather much will not gather too much (2 Cor. 8:13-15). We believe that the Kingdom of God is free of poverty and oppression. We echo and attempt to live out Christ’s prayer that the “Kingdom come and will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” We believe that begins now, with Jesus’ followers, and continues throughout eternity.

Community

We believe that humanity is created for community. God is a community, a Trinity, a plurality of oneness. And we are created in that image. Jesus modeled this community with His disciples, as He lived and as He sent them out and taught them to live. We wish to return to the community like that of the early church in Acts 2:42-47 and Acts 4:32-35. We believe that in this type of community, reconciliation happens. God is establishing a new community, a new Kingdom.

Love

We recognize the mystery of love. Ultimately, our mission is to love — to love God and to love people. This is the greatest commandment, embodying God’s law. All sin stems from not loving God or not loving people. Loving God and loving people are intricately connected and utterly inseparable. We also acknowledge that pure love is God. The greatest act of love is introducing someone to Love, in the person of Jesus.

Foundation (The Spirit of the Potter Street Community)

Simplicity — Striving to live with only what one needs, not wants. We are not driven by simplicity (or we still serve money), but we are committed to love, which demands simplicity.

Non-violence — Driven by love which does not express itself in violence towards people… absolute community and individual commitment to not use violence.

Spirituality — The community shares a common desire for spirituality, often expressed through work, worship, prayer, and sharing of the sacraments.

Relationships — Commitment to balance time inside the intentional community as well as building relationships outside… balance between inward growth and relationships and outward growth and relationships.

Jobs — Commitment to balance work inside and outside the community, individually and communally.

Kingdom of God — Commitment to building the Kingdom of God, through ending poverty.

Together — The community will strives to work with, not for, people — allowing the people most affected by problems to lead the way in the struggle for their solutions.

Healing — We are all broken. And we are all on a journey towards wholeness. This healing is individual, communal, and social.

Accountability — Community members are held accountable to one another by love. With open permission and intentional commitment to actively hold one another accountable, we work toward loving God and loving people.

Local assembly — The community worships with and builds relationships with congregations.

Non-profit — The non-profit is an instrument to systematically function as a Body, but if this system hinders the Spirit of the community or its vision, it will be abandoned.

Structure — The community recognizes the necessity and danger of structure, and establishes structures not as a prescription for community but as a description of how the body and family function, often driven by individual roles rather than systematic delegation.

The creative and performing arts — We recognize that we are created Imago Dei to be creators. Each individual has unique and special creative abilities that add to communal “art”. Also, we value the role that art has in breaking the cycle of poverty and liberating emotional and spiritual deprivation.

Projects — The community may find projects to do as a Body and family, which all persons commit themselves to (in different capacities), and individuals initiate personal projects with the community involvement in mind. All projects are born out of love, not out of the desire for programs.

Growth — The nature of love is to grow. There are both opportunities and dangers in growth. Everyone is invited to “come and see”. Anyone desiring to join the community or a new Simple house must first have a journey with the existing community members.

Balance — The community will continue to struggle for transformation both on the systematic (in the macro and micro) level and on the personal level… small things with great love, great things with great love.

Play — The community is committed to playing… creating foolishness as we dance together; never forgetting to cry and always remembering to laugh.

Rest — Action must be accompanied by reflection, and reflection by action. Rest is done as a community and as individuals, distinct from playing.

Justice

Hope

Beauty

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Functionality (what it really looks like each day)

Money — it is generally our policy to not give out money. When necessary, we go with the person. If giving out money, we check with at least one other community member.

Drugs — No illegal substances are allowed in the house under any circumstance.

Relations — We do not allow ourselves to be alone with a new guest to the house. As relationships develop, community members’ discernment is respected, but aloneness with a guest is strongly discouraged. It is generally our policy to not be alone with kids. If this is necessary, we check in and out with another community member.

Alcohol — We recognize the implications of buying and using alcohol, especially in our neighborhood. When alcohol is to be consumed in the house, this is to be discussed with the other community members.

Weapons — No implements of death allowed, regardless of race, creed, religion, or perceived level of power or authority (including police officers).

Guests — there are several levels of commitment for guests. Initially, we generally invite anyone to visit anytime. Any overnight visits are decided as a community. If individuals want to become permanent community members, this is to be discussed after previously visiting. Them must commit to Loving God, Loving People and Following Jesus, and to the vision, commitments, Foundation, and Functionality of the community and The Simple Way.

Non-violent civil disobedience — There are times when we must choose to stand in solidarity with the oppressed rather than follow the law of the world. We choose non-violence because the Powers choose violence. Our resistance is always born out of relationships where the people most affected are in leadership.

House meetings — Mandatory, once a week…”points” meetings designed to connect with information, dates, ideas, struggles.

Prayer — Sometimes scheduled, sometimes not… highly suggested, not mandatory even when scheduled.

Family Dinners — Mandatory, bi-weekly… scheduled dinner time for the family to check-in with one another and be together. Community members often share meals together outside this scheduled time.

Roundtables (guest dinners) — Bi-weekly dinners, often inviting guests… for the purpose of discussion or special activities (i.e. visiting communities).

Re-Evaluation — Times of reflection to keep connected as individuals and as a family, often scheduled when a new member comes into the community (after 2 months…)

Sabbath — Time of rest and/or reflection and/or playing… done sporadically during the week as individuals and as a family. One day is also set aside as a Sabbath, typically Sunday. The community rests (as well as routine activities).

Emergency — Must be willing to be flexible and sacrifice when there are special needs requiring a meeting, discussion, or simply bonding.

Taken from the Potter Street Community started by the Simple Way

8 year old politics.

i have been genuinely frustrated by some of the recent dialogues i have had with individuals on politics. there is something about being an evangelical that deliberately denotes republican. this is not a new concept, but a concept that is recently being pulled into question by a new generation of radical politics. in my personal quest of discovery on candidates. i have engaged many authors, websites, blogs and even looked at each candidate’s platform. i feel that so many people in this ‘born again’ culture need to step out of their 8 year old mindset and begin the messy journey of understanding the issues of today.

RELEVANT MAGAZINE :: Covering God, Life and Progressive Culture
RIGHT, LEFT OR CENTER? by Ron Sanders

One day last spring, on the sleepy drive to school, my 8-year-old son declared he was voting for Barack Obama. Never mind that it was still the primaries and no one knew whether Senator Obama would be the Democratic candidate. Never mind that the Republican candidate was still to be decided. And never mind that he was only 8 and wouldn’t vote for another 10 years. I asked him why he was voting for Senator Obama. His answer was crisp: “Because President Bush got us into a war.” Clearly he cared about the future of our country. My son is a one-issue voter.

As people of faith, political life is simpler when we are one-issue voters. The more problems that concern us, the blurrier our choices become. No matter what ticket we choose, this will be a historic presidential election. We have the opportunity to change America’s story by electing an African-American president or a female vice president—a significant milestone in a country that once counted blacks as three-fifths of a person and did not let women vote until 1920. It is also an opportunity to change the story of the role of evangelicals in politics.

Traditionally, evangelicalism has been associated with the religious right, the Republican party and three flagship issues: life (abortion, euthanasia and stem-cell research), sexuality (homosexuality and same-sex marriage) and culture (a worry over the increasing secularism of America demonstrated in the removal of prayer from public schools, the teaching of evolution and the removal of the 10 Commandments from courtrooms). The predominant worry of the evangelical right has been the steady drift of America away from its “Christian cultural heritage.”

A smaller, but equally important, voice emanates from the evangelical left (yes, there is an evangelical left, and it is growing). The left argues that Jesus’ concern extends beyond personal moral issues to a broad political agenda that includes social justice across a range of issues often ignored by the right. Birthed out of the radical Jesus movements in the 1960s and early ’70s, the evangelical left has united around the issues of war (with predominantly pacifist impulses) and poverty (deploying social programs to help the poor). Because of its association with social justice issues, the evangelical left feels most comfortable within the Democratic Party.

Recently, a centrist position in evangelical politics has wrestled its way into the conversation. Tired of partisan rhetoric, the center wants to attach itself to what is good on both the right and the left while distancing itself from particular party affiliations. They try to avoid the nostalgic references to America’s Christian heritage and the insistence of some on the right for a special voice at the table of public policy. They also shun the left’s seeming avoidance or marginalization of the life and sexuality issues. The center wants to be independent, offering a critical voice to both parties.

Taken together, the various stripes of evangelical politics are must-research topics for any political strategist. In the last nine months alone several books have been published representing the right, left and center. David Gushee’s The Future of Faith in American Politics and Ron Sider’s The Scandal of Evangelical Politics attempt to articulate a centrist position. On the left, Jim Wallis has recently published The Great Awakening. This follows on the heels of his 2004 best-selling God’s Politics. Tony Perkins’ and Harry Jackson’s Personal Faith: Public Policy is an attempt to broaden the political agenda of the right.

If the statistics are accurate, nearly 25 percent of all voters consider themselves “evangelical.” This is an enormous voting bloc. Our presidential candidates in both parties are quick to mention the importance of their personal faith and the central role it plays in their lives. Following their successful conventions, they will set out over the next 60 days of their campaign to court people of faith (not just evangelicals). As followers of Jesus, we have an important opportunity to contribute to the shaping of the American story in the 21st century.

But where do we start?

First, we must begin by locating ourselves on the evangelical map (or off the map). Whether we are right, left or center, we need to know our starting point. If you have ever looked at a map of a mall without a red star that says “You are here,” you know how frustrating it is to try to find a store. The red star makes all the difference.

Second, we need to determine where we are going—our destination. The words of Jesus in the early chapters of the Book of Matthew are profoundly political: “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near” (Matthew 4:17, TNIV). Jesus reminds us that there is a spiritual reality that overlays our political life. This spiritual reality does not negate the political, but informs and transforms our involvement in it. We are citizens of God’s Kingdom first, America second. But we are citizens of God’s Kingdom so we can be better for the world. The words of Jeremiah to the exiled Israelites in Babylon should echo in our political involvement: “Seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper” (Jeremiah 29:7).

The beauty and frustration of Jesus’ moral life was that it complicated the status quo. Which is better, to keep the strict laws of the Sabbath or to heal a man disabled for life, to stone a woman caught in adultery or redeem her from the wake of her lifestyle? Jesus was crucified as king and criminal precisely because He placed people over policies and popular theologies. He entered into the narrative of people’s lives, and people are always messy. Nothing has changed in 2,000 years. We are still messy.

Seeking the welfare of the city means entering into that mess. But it means getting dirty in a different kind of way—in the way of Jesus. We get dirty through our service to the city, not through our path to power. Instead of reacting to the social decay around us, we get dirty by trying to pioneer new solutions to social problems. We get dirty by living out our faith in public life by doing good deeds—the kind of deeds that the world recognizes as good (Matthew 5:13–16). As a community of faith, we are called to set our hope on the sovereignty of God, not on the promise of politicians. Resting in God’s care allows us to be free to make mistakes with our best political decisions. And it allows us to enter into the hopes, dreams, fears, problems and frustrations of people’s stories.

My hope for my son is that over the next 10 years he will mature beyond being a one-issue voter. I hope that he will be able to see the complex problems that our country faces and have the courage to take action—even if it means getting his hands dirty. I, on the other hand, have to vote this year. It’s going to be messy, but historic.
About the author

wisdom explained.

to impart knowledge to others in a profound and descriptive way is a raritee among the most common of hang outs. just beginning denver seminary and understanding the importance of knowing the history of the institution the name dr. vernon grounds seemed all too familiar. the name became personified in the man to which i met. last week i embarked on a gathering of denver seminary alumni and other spiritually deprived vagabonds in an attempt to reconnect, grow and experience dr. grounds for maybe the last time on this side of glory. it was quite an amazing experience, and i do not use amazing lightly. not only did dr. grounds exemplify what the longevity of a man after God’s heart looks like, but he shared with us his journey, struggles, and musings. besides the designated ‘lecture’ time, it was also an incredible chance to be around seriously legit men. steve young is a former seminary graduate who now lives in long beach engaging culture through teaching and serving at ucla and usc. steve really has a heart for thinking outside the box of tradition evangelicism with a heart for engaging culture. i explain steve because i found myself with a heart and passion for the same types of ministry to which he was serving. bruce was also there. bruce is changing the way the church looks by creating intentional communities. i was somewhat hessitant to attending this retreat because of the amount of life i had to do. i even told my wife that i did not want to go because “i did not want to waste my life”. i take back all of my prior thoughts and statements because this retreat was very refreshing and enlightening.

(here is a few shots courtesy of tim)

seat yourself please.

hey i know you are just a minor but you guys need to behave on the plain. that was just one of the many instructions that i gave to the you as we began a week of service. a lot of times boarding a plain is the initial step to a good time of vacationing. not this trip. sixteen jr. high and high school students, four leaders to which i nominated for sainthood, and myself boarded this southwest flight to do everything but vacation.

our trip to alice, texas was a very stretching and challenging trip. i love when youth are able to go and give a selfless week to love others and share the jesus that they know. alice, texas being ninety percent (ninety is statisticly, one hundred is reality) hyspanic was an incredibley positive circumstance to which we were entering. not only is their food especially superior to tradition amercan, but their perspective of family (both church and intermediate) is truely genuine.

the logistics of the trip was minimal, but the effects of the ministry was incredible. kids were seperated into groups. they would administer three vacation bible schools daily. this involved freeze tag, fruit punch, and forgiveness. we would convine for a nightly activity; undefeated night chicken fighting being the highlight. its not a service oriented trip unless you put on the gloves and do some hard work removing thorn branches and raking leaves. this is what we did but not how God moved. God did not move through what we did but through our relationships. our relationships with emanuel baptist church and the broken community of alice, texas, and to this we give credit to Jesus and his relational reality within each of our lives (our – being both the students from our church and the church in alice).

mr. chesterton.

O God of earth and altar, bow down and hear our cry

O God of earth and altar, bow down and hear our cry,
Our earthly rulers falter, our people drift and die;
The walls of gold entomb us, the swords of scorn divide,
Take not thy thunder from us, but take away our pride.From all that terror teaches, from lies of tongue and pen,
From all the easy speeches that comfort cruel men,
From sale and profanation of honor, and the sword,
From sleep and from damnation, deliver us, good Lord!

Tie in a living tether the prince and priest and thrall,
Bind all our lives together, smite us and save us all;
In ire and exultation aflame with faith, and free,
Lift up a living nation, a single sword to thee.

–G.K. Chesterton, 1906

please listen please.

i dont have much time to write this. or even know where to start. just driving home trying to identify my purpose or realize my lack there of. felt an overwhelming sence of leading that maybe this might be a time of change. there might be not be any doors opening cause i am at the wrong house or wrong continent. he put africa on my heart today. he gave me the desire to give up here and now to go there. have not said anything to hannah. i told him that i would pray about it. think about it. and maybe fast about it. thought of deb in the process. he has a funny sense of humor cause she text me a minute later. i told her to pray for his direction. i do not know what this means or what he is trying to teach me. maybe he is just teaching me to follow him no matter what. this is just an example of how he thinks outside the box. he wants me to think outside the box.

disarray.

that is the state i am in. the holidays have been hard. life has been difficult. i have reach a state where the intensity of this last semester has simmered down. the dust from the bussiness is settling. things are becoming made clear. as the murkiness and fog subsides i get a true glimpse of reality. disarray is what i see. to have confusion be something that is evidently shown clear is a mystery within itself. the job i had is now someone elses and i am put in a situation of submission to one who is less as knowledgeable yet somehow right. god has brought me to this place and now i am sitting here in confusion. what patience and obedience has brought is now frustration. frustration that things are changing and that things will be different. i know they will and there is not too much i can do about. so i go into it trusting god, now even more unaware about the outcome. i am now at a place where i believe god will take me and deliver me. in all this i am processing alone because the whether has unexpectantly delayed my girlfriend from returning from her families holiday extravaganza. my other best friend is in arkansas visiting his crazy relatives. my other friend has a new girl and is off to the races with that relationship. i lost one other friend to an unexpected double life. i feel flustered around others. my coworker  has been fantastic but i do not want to taint her view with my feelings. and here i am. in disarray.