It’s been a while. Time. Kind of passed me by. Time. Theme of the national youth workers convention where I currently am with deb. Also the place where my pregnated sickness was finally birthed. Great first day though. “if you don’t give them Jesus it’s like crap and cinnamon.”
Posted in denver stage 1
So started my first painting project ever. Four 8 by 4 Masonite canvases to fill a blank wall. Thanks for your help Kate. Think I like painting furniture better.
first an apology for the lack of writing on this blog. i can not spend much time writing about my business or rationalizing the inconsistency of blogpost because there is no going back, only forward motion. i have been incredibly busy with my wife, school, work, life, the orchard, friends and a number of other great things that tend to consume my time and make the act of writing a very low priority. (not agreeing that it should be). God plays a consistent role in my life and infiltrates the substance of each and everyone of these priorities. sometimes it is hard though, even as a pastor, knowing about God and knowing God.
i am actually writing this post solely for the reason that i may recall this very moment at a later time. first an account of what happened in this life changing moment (being the last hour) and then my thoughts of the period leading up to it.
first of all let me start by talking about how this week is one of the busiest weeks i will have this semester at seminary. midterms and papers. 30 hour famine church event. guest coming into town next weekend. all this to say i am very busy which increases the value of me spending my time on even transcribing these words. because of the expansive list of to-do boxes i decided to trek to starbucks tonight. i have not done this at all this semester but have so much reading and studying that needs to get done and living in a house with 6 other people can only be so conducive. anyways. i went to starbucks. not the closest one either. i went to the one that was open the latest and clearly far away when you pass 3 others on your way there.
i arrived roughly around 9:30 where i entered the what would be described to me by Joey as the “busiest Starbucks in Colorado.” every table was full with mostly yuppy teenagers who can blow five bucks on a strawberry smoothie with extra whip cream. upon entering starbucks i see Joey who is an assistant manager and a friend that i have met over a number of visits to feed my desire for late night caffeine. Joey was very pleasant this evening. we catch up and talk about church and work. now Joey and i are mere acquaintances, both believers, and he distinctly encourages me to stand strong in my faith and to keep learning at school. now i do not know if Joey knows others who attempt the rigours of seminary or ministry, but that encouragement during the week of midterms was greatly needed.
i order my ice grande caramel machiato accompanied by the amazing water that is apparently triple sand filtered that sometimes taste better than the coffee itself. still no tables open up as i wait for my drink. wait, the old man just got up that was ackwardly positioned in the middle of the starbucks floor. as he arose the lone table and chair radiated a promise of productivity inspired from the hard uncomfortability of the staple stabucks wood chair. i place my bag down and grab the drinks that will cary me through the evening.
here i am. at my lone table with my single chair and my book. on the agenda was reading a few pages in Sacred Companions (which by the way is fantastic so far) and begin studying through the old testament for my midterm this week. twenty pages into the book flowing. the words are rooting themselves in my heart as i am beginning to understand the importance and value of spiritual friendship. then it happens.
before it happens let me paint you the exact picture of what it looks like to take away from any visual hints or ques that you may naturally assume exists.
myself. blue nike shirt, jeans, vans slip ons. middle of the busiest starbucks in colorado. single table. one chair occupied by myself. on the table: iced grande caramel machiato, grande water, cell phone, Sacred Companions (opened). Backpack on the ground closed with nothing showing. i am branding no religious symbols at all, on my book, bag, or person. in fact the only symbol i am branding implies “just do it.”
then it happens. i was in the middle of the sentence when i noticed someone approaching and did not look up because i needed to finish the complete thought and understood the persons willingness to approach me to be someone that i knew, therefore they could wait a second to be greeted by me. that was not the case though. as i look up two girls, that i have not noticed since i have been intensely reading. walk over and put a napkin on my table. they are proceeding to walk away smiling as i look at them in sort of that what just happened kind of face. they must have thought i was someone else or something, or maybe i had some caramel stuck on the side of my lip and needed this napkin to improve my appearance, but then why would they write “guy in blue” on the napkin? ha. this is what i get for hanging out at the local highschool hang out. millions of possible idiotic reasons that these young high school girls write on some part of the napkin. my book was so good that i was drawn and lured immediately back into my book. within a few minutes though i finished the chapter and am drawn back to the napkin for a laugh. honestly i opened the napkin expecting to be made fun of for some reason by these adolescent teens but the words that were written were incredible.
the note: “Hello stranger, I noticed you when i walked in…and felt like I needed to say something. I’m just feelin like God is saying that He loves you and He’s taking care of everything. I don’t even know your name or beliefs but knew I had to say it! N”
i was incredibly confused as i was processing this anonymous note. i tried jumping back into my book but i couldn’t. i could not stop thinking about this note. this love note. not love from this high school girl to me, but a love note from God. i do not believe there was any possible way for this girl to know, based on the circumstances and my appearance, that i was a Christian or even believed in a God. she knew. God knew. i was overwhelmed with an incredible sensation of feeling God’s presence. at this moment i felt that the incredible, amazing, divine, holy, and magnificent God saw me. josh. he spoke to me. this note. me. speak. it could not have been more clear. he used this girl to write this note to me. God loves me. He is taking care of everything. Knowing God and feeling his presence is nothing that i have not felt. Connecting with God through prayer, his Word, worship, meditation, fellowship is nothing that i have not felt, but this was different. God spoke and I heard it and felt it. God is always with us and we have the Spirit that dwells within us and i knew it. in the middle of this starbucks i sat for in awe, illuminated, found.
(the last few weeks)
finding a peaceful restful place in my spiritual life is one of my learning contracts that i am working on this semester. wanting to rest and understand the amazing first love that i desire to serve. wanting to renew my devotion to him beyond textbook spirituality. listening or learning to listen has also played a critical role in this over the last few weeks. with possible transitions and decisions ahead i have been desiring to hear God. leading house devotions two weeks ago this was the topic that i discussed. how do we listen for God.
he spoke.
i do not know if i will ever hear him in such a direct way every again. but tonight i heard him. loud and clear. in this incredible illuminating moment at my table all alone.
he spoke.
to be defiant against authorities never is made out to be an admirable action, but in some cases defiance may be the only way to survive. last night i had the privalige to see the movie Defiance directed by Edward Zwick. what i thought was just going to be a Jewish take on Saving Private Ryan, but it actually was a moving story about racial genocide and the struggle of an oppresed Jewish communities will to survive. Daniel Craig proved that he is more than just james bond as he delivered a wonderful performance with Liev Schreiber as they lead the Bielski camp. the movie shows the brutal reality of the genocide that murder an indescribable amount of Jews in germany and poland in world war II.
i am in the middle of a january term class here at denver seminary where we are surveying the epistles through revelation within a short amount of time. the content to which we are to digesting in a short amount of time is not advisable for most, but it does allow fow a wholistic picture for these letters to first century churches. i have been so incredibly interested in the aspects of Christs death and resurection and the Jewish response to this new covenant. it is so interesting to see God’s chosen nation miss the very thing that they were holding out for. there was such a focus on a ‘works’ based faith that they missed the point of the torah, the law, and the traditions of their people, which was to point to the coming Messiah. there were those that so to speak ‘converted’ to Christianity or would consider them selves Messianic Jews.
Messianic Judaism has become of great interest to me. i want to seek to understand it more. there is a conference that the seminary is hosting in february that i am very excited to attend. it will discuss “issues related to Zionism, dual-covenant theology, Israel and the church, Jesus and Judaism, and Messianic Jewish education and history.”
one of the reasons that i have become so interested in this topic is not only from the class i have been taking, but because of the circumstances that is happening currently in the middle east. over one thousand Palestinians have died and over a thousand pounds of food used by the UN to aid refugees have been destroyed according to this Associated Press story.
Associated Press
i found Defiance very honestly raw as God’s ‘chosen’ people are being massacred in the most inhumane ways. it is an honest and telling film about the worlds past and makes me wonder how the world respond to Israel and the Jewish people in the future. i will continue to pray for peace in the middle east as i look to understand Messianic Judaism and our role as Christians to love the world and those unnecesarily oppressed.
Posted in denver stage 1
i am leaving in a few minutes to go dialogue with some individuals about entering into an intentional community that i spoke about here. hannah and i are nothing but excited. being part of our new years resolution to begin communal living we are just excited for the possibilities. so much of history was written by people living in multi-family houses, huts, and shelters. especially our individualized materialistic america has proclaimed land for all ever since they let the settlers run to claim land from the east coast. hannah and i do not need our own place. we do not need our own blender and our own couch. we do not need to pay an excessive amount of rent when we can be better stewards with the resources God has granted. we want to love God and we want to love others. we want to live in an intentional community that encompasses the same desires. a community of friends devoted to materialistic simplicity and spiritual complexity. a community bonded through acceptance and forgiveness and rooted in truth and love. a community that does not turn to internal security but reaches out to others offering a picture of the kingdom. a community that exists outside of individualism and embraces missionalism. this is the community we want. this is the community we pray for. this is the community in which hannah and i would like to serve Christ this next year.
i had the privilage to reminise with my boys this last week. scott, andrew, adam, david, and steve all flew out from California to do a little r & r for old time sake. jonathan, andrews brother, and i live out here at this wonderful elevation of one mile and are considerably always experiencing the rocky mountain high. we thouroughly enjoyed it then when all of the guys came out to see us.
the main point on the agenda was the denver broncos vs. the miami dolphins. this was the main reason the dates were selected for the trip. dave has been a miami dolphin’s fan his whole life and what better time to see them play then when they played in denver. that was the reason for the weekend. anyways, i managed to get rowdy trout for the weekend. this was such a blessing. hannah’s family owns a cabin or two up on the mountains right next to a river and some lakes. it was quite the experience taking all of the city boys up there. and fun was had. from fishing the river to coney island to poker, we had a blast. the highlight by far though was the community.
when old friends get together something unexplainable happens. time begins again. you pick up where you left off. you give abbreviated cliff notes of the past circumstantial happenings and then join in with the lives that you love. this was probably the greatest part of the weekend. it was like a ‘good ol boys’ tour. this was the first time that i had been with all these guys since hannah and i got married a year ago and we picked up where we left off. things have changed, that is for sure, but who we are, and the character of these boys has not changed. the character of these men has not changed.
to grow up and to grow old-er brings new life experiences, but there is something about that favorite sweatshirt we like to wear that reminds us of the old days, or eating a dish that takes us back to childhood. these men have made me who i am. i have experienced life with them, shared tears with them, celebrated with them. they are old friends that move with me into a new future. they are my constants. they are my havens. they are my anchors. they are my brothers. and they are my friends.
being from california, the only way you know you have moved from summer into fall is being overwhelmed by a number of syllabi and the bombardment of homework. the classical eleven months of 90 degree weather and an abundance of sunshine leaves little room for the so called seasons, let alone changing multi colored leaves. the seasons are incredible in there uniqueness and completely reflective of God’s beauty. the crisp air reminds you of its distinct presence being so clean, pure, and brisk. the different colors of yellow, orange, and red are so vibrant against the green background of the grass and the pine. God’s beauty truly can show through his creation. how beautiful and perfect it is. this was such a restful time of relaxation with hannah and the family and little miss ava.
i read this article by brett mcckracken and so much of it hit home. and by hitting home i mean i can relate to it in many ways. first of all biola is where i received my undergraduate degree in christian education as well as my minor in biblical studies. not only did i study there but i lived there and i loved there. i bleed biola. about half way through my biola carreer a graduate program began called institute for spiritual formation. talbot was one of the first seminaries to begin offering graduate level work on spiritual formation. this became very much of interest to me towards the end of my degree. spiritual disciplines and spiritual formation was something that i sought to understand within the context of ministring to high school students (predominantly students who have grown up in the church and are subscribed to the prescription of christianity with out real relationship). spiritual formation offered more. it offered a type of transformation through developing personal relationship with God through engaging him. biola was leading the arena of higher education of training in this area and my experience there lead me to denver seminary to get a masters in christian formation and soul care. talbot and denver seminary have worked closely at developing similar programs.
that is how this article hits me at both levels. i love biola. thought the president and chaplain has changed since i have been there; i have great faith in the institution, the boards, the faculty, and the students. christian formation is a new movement among Jesus followers to develop a deeper, meeningful, contemplative relationship with our Savior. i resonate with brett’s article and can not believe the self destructive tendencies that christians (the student writing this article) and christian organizations (lighthouse trails and apprising ministries) do to damage an amazing organization and spiritual formation. probably a homeschooler and a homeschool organization.
Spiritual Formation Under Attack at Biola
October 27, 2008, 11:30 am » Brett McCracken
Last week, a long-running smear campaign against “spiritual formation” at Biola University kicked it up a notch. An organization called Lighthouse Trails teamed up with Apprising Ministries to unleash a torrent of criticism and insults about Biola, claiming that Biola is drifting from its strong biblical roots and embracing “apostate Roman Catholic mystical spiritual formation”…
I haven’t the energy to summarize the smears, but if you want to follow it thus far, read the following posts:
Biola University Now Drifting from Evangelical Protestant Roots? (Oct 20)
Biola University Student Reports on Contemplative Chapel Services – Warns Parents to Avoid Biola (Oct 20)
Biola University Contacts Lighthouse Trails – Accuses of Libel (Oct 21)
You’ll be shocked when you find out just what it is that these people are up in arms about… Contemplative prayer! That’s right, they are worried about Biola possibly being apostate because in chapel we dare to introduce students to ancient methods of contemplative, meditative prayer. We dare to engage the students in Lectio Divina, an ancient method inherited from the Desert Fathers of deeply reading and meditating upon a scripture. It’s not new-agey or mystical; it’s simple, quiet, and meaningful. The bible takes center stage. What is wrong with that?
Evidently these critics of Biola are worried that by having an entire chapel service of silent meditation, there is somehow a movement of apostasy being birthed in the students’ minds. It’s wrong, they suggest, to have a scripture read without a pastor or speaker there to unpack it and give it some context.
Todd Pickett, Associate Dean of Spiritual Development at Biola, has a different opinion. He believes that students today are “over-messaged” and need more time to just contemplate what they’ve already been hearing, learning, experiencing in Christ.
“I hear from students that they need more time for processing and reflection,” he told The Chimes, Biola’s student newspaper. “They feel overwhelmed sometimes by the amount of information that comes at them. That makes sense to me, [and] at the very least, we need to allow a little time and a little room to listen to what God is doing. [We need to] take some of the things we hear and talk to God about them. I am trying to build that into the rhythm of chapel.”
As someone who was a busy college student myself not too long ago, I resonate with every word of what Pickett is saying. Time for reflection is the number one need of students today.
Apparently the folks at Lighthouse Trails and Apprising Ministries don’t agree, however. To them, Pickett, along with people like Richard Foster (who they label “neo-Gnostic”), Henri Nouwen, and Dallas Willard (who, for the record, gave a very philosophical and helpful lecture at Biola’s Torrey Conference last Wednesday), represent an unbiblical mysticism that masquerades as “spiritual formation.”
It baffles me that “spiritual formation,” which to me looks like a positive, healthy thing from every angle, is being so aggressively criticized. Even more baffled that Biola is being singled out and smeared for their commitment to it. But then again, Christians tend to be the most critical of all people, unfortunately. So I guess it shouldn’t surprise me.
now there is a friend of mine who i can not disclose his name – scratch that. his name is bob. bob is the high school pastor that i work with and love dearly minus all of the seinfeld quotes that he unnecessarily warrants frivolously through out his speech.
bob decided to jump on the band wagon. he says it is to voice his thoughts and dialogue on God, but i secretly know that it is to impress the socks off all the christian blogging babes out there. it should. well it should when he posts.
see blogging is quite the most difficult thing for some like myself and bob. it is quite hard to keep consistency if it is not your job. currently i am working as a jr. high pastor and am a full time seminary student under the umbrella of husband. no where in between do i have delineated time to be blogging. especially since i do not get paid for it and no one reads it. well bob is the same way. he use to be even worse. i believe that his blog was created for over a whole month before the key strokes began to take place on it.
bob eased in with ‘are you ready for this’ which i responded with an inquisitive comment
ok i have a few questions. did you just write this whole thing in the middle of your seminary class? how often are you going to post on here? should i check bi-annually? lastly, i heard you were going to write about all your ex-girlfriends. is that true?
bob proved my sarcastic whit to be void since within the last two days he has posted about three blogs. now here is one of the greatest qualities about bob that comes out not in his blogging, but in his timing. when bob buys into something he buys into it. if something is great and grand in bob’s eyes he will be more passionately for it that it will bleed out of his ears and permeate every sentence spoken. this is recently true of bob’s blogging rampage. not only has he posted two post within the last day but he has posted in his facebook status the url of his blog.
his most recent post roadsigns is great. i have completely walked alongside him when he has missed a significant road sign. we recently took a trip to new jersey and bob took us on a route where they were dismantling a bridge. now bob knew that there was traffic on this bridge and he knew they were doing construction. the road was riddled with cones and signs and here we were in the picture to where we were stuck after bob’s decision to plow ahead. despite the decision, our circumstantial mishap turned into an incredible memory of crazy pennsylvanian lady yelling at us. and by us i mean me.
anyways. let this post be a blogbute (kind of like a tribute) to bob, his perplexing personality, contagious enthusiasm, loyal friendship, and an indescribable humor. check out what he has to say here.
inkless writing 