speak.

first an apology for the lack of writing on this blog. i can not spend much time writing about my business or rationalizing the inconsistency of blogpost because there is no going back, only forward motion. i have been incredibly busy with my wife, school, work, life, the orchard, friends and a number of other great things that tend to consume my time and make the act of writing a very low priority. (not agreeing that it should be). God plays a consistent role in my life and infiltrates the substance of each and everyone of these priorities. sometimes it is hard though, even as a pastor, knowing about God and knowing God.

i am actually writing this post solely for the reason that i may recall this very moment at a later time. first an account of what happened in this life changing moment (being the last hour) and then my thoughts of the period leading up to it.

first of all let me start by talking about how this week is one of the busiest weeks i will have this semester at seminary. midterms and papers. 30 hour famine church event. guest coming into town next weekend. all this to say i am very busy which increases the value of me spending my time on even transcribing these words. because of the expansive list of to-do boxes i decided to trek to starbucks tonight. i have not done this at all this semester but have so much reading and studying that needs to get done and living in a house with 6 other people can only be so conducive. anyways. i went to starbucks. not the closest one either. i went to the one that was open the latest and clearly far away when you pass 3 others on your way there.

i arrived roughly around 9:30 where i entered the what would be described to me by Joey as the “busiest Starbucks in Colorado.” every table was full with mostly yuppy teenagers who can blow five bucks on a strawberry smoothie with extra whip cream. upon entering starbucks i see Joey who is an assistant manager and a friend that i have met over a number of visits to feed my desire for late night caffeine. Joey was very pleasant this evening. we catch up and talk about church and work. now Joey and i are mere acquaintances, both believers, and he distinctly encourages me to stand strong in my faith and to keep learning at school. now i do not know if Joey knows others who attempt the rigours of seminary or ministry, but that encouragement during the week of midterms was greatly needed.

i order my ice grande caramel machiato accompanied by the amazing water that is apparently triple sand filtered that sometimes taste better than the coffee itself. still no tables open up as i wait for my drink. wait, the old man just got up that was ackwardly positioned in the middle of the starbucks floor. as he arose the lone table and chair radiated a promise of productivity inspired from the hard uncomfortability of the staple stabucks wood chair. i place my bag down and grab the drinks that will cary me through the evening.

here i am. at my lone table with my single chair and my book. on the agenda was reading a few pages in Sacred Companions (which by the way is fantastic so far) and begin studying through the old testament for my midterm this week. twenty pages into the book flowing. the words are rooting themselves in my heart as i am beginning to understand the importance and value of spiritual friendship. then it happens.

before it happens let me paint you the exact picture of what it looks like to take away from any visual hints or ques that you may naturally assume exists.

myself. blue nike shirt, jeans, vans slip ons. middle of the busiest starbucks in colorado. single table. one chair occupied by myself. on the table: iced grande caramel machiato, grande water, cell phone, Sacred Companions (opened). Backpack on the ground closed with nothing showing. i am branding no religious symbols at all, on my book, bag, or person. in fact the only symbol i am branding implies “just do it.”

then it happens. i was in the middle of the sentence when i noticed someone approaching and did not look up because i needed to finish the complete thought and understood the persons willingness to approach me to be someone that i knew, therefore they could wait a second to be greeted by me. that was not the case though. as i look up two girls, that i have not noticed since i have been intensely reading. walk over and put a napkin on my table. they are proceeding to walk away smiling as i look at them in sort of that what just happened kind of face. they must have thought i was someone else or something, or maybe i had some caramel stuck on the side of my lip and needed this napkin to improve my appearance, but then why would they write “guy in blue” on the napkin? ha. this is what i get for hanging out at the local highschool hang out. millions of possible idiotic reasons that these young high school girls write on some part of the napkin. my book was so good that i was drawn and lured immediately back into my book. within a few minutes though i finished the chapter and am drawn back to the napkin for a laugh. honestly i opened the napkin expecting to be made fun of for some reason by these adolescent teens but the words that were written were incredible.

the note: “Hello stranger, I noticed you when i walked in…and felt like I needed to say something. I’m just feelin like God is saying that He loves you and He’s taking care of everything. I don’t even know your name or beliefs but knew I had to say it! N”

i was incredibly confused as i was processing this anonymous note. i tried jumping back into my book but i couldn’t. i could not stop thinking about this note. this love note. not love from this high school girl to me, but a love note from God. i do not believe there was any possible way for this girl to know, based on the circumstances and my appearance, that i was a Christian or even believed in a God. she knew. God knew. i was overwhelmed with an incredible sensation of feeling God’s presence. at this moment i felt that the incredible, amazing, divine, holy, and magnificent God saw me. josh. he spoke to me. this note. me. speak. it could not have been more clear. he used this girl to write this note to me. God loves me. He is taking care of everything. Knowing God and feeling his presence is nothing that i have not felt. Connecting with God through prayer, his Word, worship, meditation, fellowship is nothing that i have not felt, but this was different. God spoke and I heard it and felt it. God is always with us and we have the Spirit that dwells within us and i knew it. in the middle of this starbucks i sat for in awe, illuminated, found.

(the last few weeks)

finding a peaceful restful place in my spiritual life is one of my learning contracts that i am working on this semester. wanting to rest and understand the amazing first love that i desire to serve. wanting to renew my devotion to him beyond textbook spirituality. listening or learning to listen has also played a critical role in this over the last few weeks. with possible transitions and decisions ahead i have been desiring to hear God. leading house devotions two weeks ago this was the topic that i discussed. how do we listen for God.

he spoke.

i do not know if i will ever hear him in such a direct way every again. but tonight i heard him. loud and clear. in this incredible illuminating moment at my table all alone.

he spoke.